So it finally came to pass. I went to the Grabby awards and even presented. I was so honored to finally be among so many porn stars and to present the award for best cam site. However, I felt so incredibly out of place.
I was really having a lot of fun on twitter talking with everybody. I really thought that I was ready to meet and hang out with everybody but when I did, I just locked up. I didn't know what to say. I felt like I had nothing in common with anybody except for being 420 friendly. I think what was really getting to me was one of my worst features which is that I'm a little slow to understand what people ask or talk about. I don't like asking people to repeat or clerify what they said because it makes me feel dumb. This little trait really about fucked things up between me and Howard. He asked if Jason and I fucked bareback and I misunderstood the question because of background noise and being drunk and told him yes. That started things between them two and I felt so bad. But luckily we got it settled peacefully.
Secondly, I felt like I was just completely out of shape and too hairy and the others were looking at me and thinking "eww! Why the fuck is he here thinking he can be a part of us?" I mean, yeah I got a bunch of compliments about my look but I felt like I wasn't cut enough and too hairy and too white. And even though I was honored to be a presenter at the Grabbys, when I went up on stage I felt like I had so many looks of negativity. I really wanted to run off the stage because felt like I was, again, out of place.
Another thing that got to me was that I could only say that the only work I've done was the live cam shows while everybody else has at least done something in a studio. When people asked me my story I was tempted to say "I'm just lucky to be here." I actually went into one of my down times, time when my depression hits hard.
I really can't wait till my break in July. I'm gonna do my best to get myself into the shape I really wanted to be in before I started working with Jason. This has all started so fast and I don't know if I was ready. Maybe when I get back home I'll be able to center myself and be closer to my fitness goals. I've made the promise that I'll come back a beast. I've met all my other goals so I'm going to make sure I meet this one too. Just y'all wait and see.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
The Gamer Side of Porn
Now that I've shown y'all just a little of what I can do in my cam shows, I'd really like to let you know a little of what I plan to do in the future.
First let me start off saying that I basically grew up playing video games. Every time my parents needed me to be occupied or to stay out of the kitchen or whatever they pretty much just put me down in front of the tv and had me pick up the controller. In a way the game was pretty much my babysitter. I always loved the fighting games... not all of them though. I wasn't too big on Tekken or Killer Instinct. I was always a Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter fan.
I could probably tell you just about everything there is to know about MK. From the story of the first to the last days of Armageddon. I think what really attracted me to it was, in the first game, Raiden. When it first came out they spelled it Rayden. Ah well either way he was bad ass. Then the second one came out with the two hottest bitches to EVER sweep the video game world, Kitana and Mileena. Really, it was the weapons they used. I've never seen anything like those big as fans that could decapitate somebody. Also, the sai daggers. I, again, have never seen anything like them and thought to myself "I want some of those so bad."
Well, to make a long story short, I pretty much lived my life up until about August being a hardcore gamer. Now, I'll admit that when a good game comes out or something that I've been excited about comes out then I do switch into gamer mode and make sure I get it. Now that I have gone from "gamer geek" to adult model, I really want to bring a lot of elements that have made me who I am into my work. Along with that I may even buy some products such as Timoteos and Fort Troff toys and just have somebody take pics with my own little twist.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to completely change the way the porn industry works. However, I do plan to make a HELL of an impact and make sure people have a new found respect for one of my favorite pass times. Like I always say, I'm gonna be the hottest gamer geek out of Arkansas to hit the porn industry. Before my first year is over I will be known by thousands.
First let me start off saying that I basically grew up playing video games. Every time my parents needed me to be occupied or to stay out of the kitchen or whatever they pretty much just put me down in front of the tv and had me pick up the controller. In a way the game was pretty much my babysitter. I always loved the fighting games... not all of them though. I wasn't too big on Tekken or Killer Instinct. I was always a Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter fan.
I could probably tell you just about everything there is to know about MK. From the story of the first to the last days of Armageddon. I think what really attracted me to it was, in the first game, Raiden. When it first came out they spelled it Rayden. Ah well either way he was bad ass. Then the second one came out with the two hottest bitches to EVER sweep the video game world, Kitana and Mileena. Really, it was the weapons they used. I've never seen anything like those big as fans that could decapitate somebody. Also, the sai daggers. I, again, have never seen anything like them and thought to myself "I want some of those so bad."
Well, to make a long story short, I pretty much lived my life up until about August being a hardcore gamer. Now, I'll admit that when a good game comes out or something that I've been excited about comes out then I do switch into gamer mode and make sure I get it. Now that I have gone from "gamer geek" to adult model, I really want to bring a lot of elements that have made me who I am into my work. Along with that I may even buy some products such as Timoteos and Fort Troff toys and just have somebody take pics with my own little twist.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to completely change the way the porn industry works. However, I do plan to make a HELL of an impact and make sure people have a new found respect for one of my favorite pass times. Like I always say, I'm gonna be the hottest gamer geek out of Arkansas to hit the porn industry. Before my first year is over I will be known by thousands.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
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