So there have been some issues along this trip. I'm not going to say what or who in this matter. This message is for everybody and yes, I'm about to get religious on you so if you don't wanna hear it... or read it then click off but it's going to be said.
There are many times when we feel that we can't help the way we do things. There are times when you feel the whole world is against you or people are watching you. When you're in a spotlight, then yes people are watching you. I personally feel it all the time. However, I do my best to make sure it's something that people like to see when I'm being watched. Some, however, feel this in a negative way. Let me just say that unless you give a reason, nobody is out to get you. Everybody judges you, but their judgement is merely an opinion until you worry about it so much that it becomes fact. When it does become fact, you put yourself in a box with all the negativity that you feel written all over it.
It is an unfortunate truth that some turn to drugs. No this is not an anti drug message either but I will say that certain things are only going to make this negativity worse. In your box you're cramped in trying not to look at what is written on the walls but the words burn their way through your eyelids and you can't help but see it all the time. You hear voices telling you all these negative things and before you know it, you're scared shitless and don't know what to do.
Deep down inside of you there will always be a light. A little flame that burns 24/7 that is being suppressed by all the negativity. The flame is the only thing, even with as small as it is, that keeps you going. It is hope. Hope that one day all of your problems will be solved. It is a hope that one day someone will reach out to put a small crack in the box you've trapped yourself in. It's only going to be a small crack. Once it's there it will never go away. It'll be there waiting for you to fuel the fires of hope within you and finally break free.
When you feel that all is lost and you have nothing and nobody, pray. It may feel odd at first but if you've got nobody and nothing to lose, why not? I'm not saying that you'll feel instantly better, but at the same time you'll feel like you just had a spiritual slap to the face and realize that you've been looking at things all wrong or just not in the best perspective. Trust that everything will always work out fine, even if it's not exactly how you want it to. Also, be thankful for what you do have. Be thankful for the people in your life and give them a chance when they try to help you. Eventually your fire will get brighter and brighter and in the darkest pits of your mind you'll break out of that box and everything will become lit up and clear.
Many people say that God hates gays and that we are all going to burn. Who are they to judge? Why can't gays be accepted? Why can't we be forgiven? Guess what! Jesus died for all of our sins, not just those who keep their faces buried in a bible. So come on now my gay brothers and sisters! Take some time to simply pray, even if it's not every day. There's nothing better than the peace of mind knowing that everything has a purpose and everything happens for a reason. If bad happens, turn in into an opportunity to come out stronger, not an excuse to keep fucking up. If nobody is around you to put that crack in your box to let your hope shine then let God do it. IT DOES GET BETTER!!!!
I'm no preacher or preacher's kid. I'm simply a man who has had some rough patches in life and have experienced the power of prayer. Again, things may not turn out exactly as you plan but as long as they work out then what do you have to bitch about? Find the hope deep down inside and let it flood you inside and out and break free of the box of negativity. Love yourself and be safe!