I'm back home!

I'm so incredibly happy to be home!! I'm able to go to my old gym and clime Pinnacle mountain again. I'm loving it all! I'm seeing old friends and trying to make some new ones. One of my favorite things do to around here is scout for new models.  I plan on trying to find many and even bought an HD camera and wanna work on my camera skills here at home and maybe start doing a couple films on my own. Got some time on my hands so why not? 

I have also decided to join the sisters of perpetual indulgence. The Arkansas branch is just getting started and we are going to be known as the diamond state sisters. I've also starting working with local drag talent, Chichi Valdez. She is really awesome and I live working with her so much!! Definitely at new friend. 

Along with this, I'm also hearing a lot of stories of guys my age or younger dying early. The stories behind these deaths are stupid. I do know there are worse stories out there, but these still bother me because they're at home and could have been so preventable. 

The first of these stories is the oldest. About 5 years go, an acquaintance, Joey, had died in a car accident. He, from what I was told, had mixed multiple bars of Xanax and drank a bunch of beer and went out driving. He wasn't even 20.

I was told a story from 6 months or so ago in which a high school football player from somewhere north of me hung himself during erotic asphyxiation. It happens, but one wouldn't expect someone that young to do it. There's precautions to every fetish, in which in some cases can lead to death if not taken.

Most recent was a guy I went to school with, Sam. He died last week because the girl he was cheating on his wife with grabbed the wheel of his car. He wrecked and the steering wheel crushed his chest. She had the nerve to go to his funeral. He was 25.

My last story involves a 17 year old who I worked with today at Taco Bell named Nathan. Yes, I'm working there for some extra financial security till my next shoot comes along. Anyway, the entire time he was there, he walked around with heavy weights on his shoulders. He's really small and so cute. He didn't quite finish high school and I fear he's on a path of depression and self hate and destruction. Or maybe just not caring. He turns 18 in December. He stayed quiet and kept his head down. It's not even the fact that he's cute that makes me want to get closer to him. Something is telling me to help this boy. Something is telling me to care for him . Something about him breaks my heart. 

All of these deaths were the result of lacking one thing, discipline. The boy up north from me (never got a name) simply needed somebody to show him the correct precautions to or had somebody with which to share such a dangerous fetish. When caught cheating, Sam's wife could possibly have used pain, in bdsm form, to make him sorry. I'm a bit ashamed to say, but I don't have too much room to speak there. I wasn't the best boyfriend to a wonderful and deserving man and will take this chance to make it known to the world that I'm sorry. I'm a better person than that. And as for guys like Joey, I'd rather have them worried about their next porn scene than their next high or buzz. 

Like I said earlier, I got my own HD camera. And I ditto the last thing I said about Joey and guys like him. I want to give them more to look forward to. For people who need fetish discipline here, I've got the perfect guys to teach them everything they need to know. Once done properly, I would love to capture it. I would love to start capturing a lot of my own content. I would like to do this in order to keep guys and girls busy and something more exciting to look forward to. Looking forward to become models for this art form. 

I would like to start raising some funds to help out with Sam's family. I would also like to raise some funds to help Nathan, Who is the guy that I work with at Taco Bell that walks around with the weight of the world on his shoulders. I cannot stand to see someone who is so young and so full of potential just walk around with such little hope for his life.

 It is not my obligation to help these people that I barely know but it would still mean a lot to me if I could do something for them. Please help me show condolences for the grieving family of Sam Kitchell. And also please help me to help other kids and young men and women my age, possibly younger, have hope of something in life that they could surely look forward to more than their next high. All I'm asking for is just a dollar or two from each of my Twitter followers. That alone would help so much with a grieving family or a hopeless young teen. Anything that is left over after helping these young women and men and this family get on the right track will go to the Arkansas AIDS foundation. 

For the young men and women that I am trying to support, your money will simply go towards supplements and proteins from GNC that they can use to help really Kickstart their fitness goals, as well as a gym membership. Some of your funds may also go towards being able to pay those who agreed to allow me to shoot them and be my models for whatever work I have coming up. They will also go towards paying someone to edit the videos that I shoot, as well as any fees for getting the website up and running. But the first and foremost importances are Sam's family and the people that I am trying to help have a new hope their lives. 

So if you choose to donate please send the money to my PayPal accounts. My email address is BBondsXXX@yahoo.com. One dollar is all that I ask from each of you. So if you feel this is a cause to believe in, please donate. You could be helping a family. You could be helping a teen or young adult get a second wind when they've lost hope. And you will be helping Arkansas AIDS foundation.

Thank you so much for reading this and I pray you help us out here in the diamond state.

Folsom Street Fair

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Ft. Lauderdale Pride

It's pride weekend here in Ft. Lauderdale and the party is just happening right down from my house. Wilton Dr. is completely shut down and there are gay boys and girls everywhere!!

I'll have to admit, I'm kind of a bore but I'm more of an observer now days. But every now and then I like to participate in wild and crazy festivities. For example, tonight, Met a black man with a large snake! He even let me hold it for a while!! You could say that I was more than eager to hold it! 

Well, other than holding a cute black man's snake, there was some pretty damn good southwestern egg rolls which didn't survive long enough for a picture. I am however still a little hungry and there's a lot of food tents around 

So if you're not at Ft. Lauderdale pride, you should be there. At least go check it out. That's if you can find parking!

Final 9 videos of 2012

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Dear Florida (not the people)

Dear Florida, FUCK YOU and your damn curse that you've placed on me!! From getting sick, getting robbed, getting a cyst on my stomach, and then having to stay my birthday alone in a hotel room that smelled like piss 4 hours away from anybody because my alternator went out as soon as I got on the turnpike, you have ruined these past few months. Not only have you ruined my life on the outside, but ever since I moved into you I've felt as though my soul has been under constant attack and have not had but a small handful of nights that I'm not scared to stay awake or go to sleep.

Now, I can't do anything right. Granted that I always take full responsibility for all my actions and I never mean any harm from them, something has happened within me that has made me not think as far ahead as I normally would. All I know is during the past 2 visits, I've had to write many sorry emails. I won't go into details because you're not worth explaining them to, you piece of shit state! (Again, readers, I'm not talking about the people, but the state itself.)

The ONLY reason I stick around and put more money into you is my bf! If it weren't for him, I wouldn't even come visit you because I know something bad will happen. And now I'm prevented from ever being happy as long as I live in you. So one more time, I say FUCK YOU Florida and I hope you're the first state to go in the coming apocalypse. As long as people I know and care about get out first.

Catch up post.

Well, a lot has been happening in the past couple of months. It's been a big emotional roller coaster. I don't really know how to put it. It all revolves around my move to Ft. Lauderdale.

During the month of September, I was trying to ready myself for the move. I was excited but, at the same time, scared out of my mind. Many times, bad things had happened when I go to Florida. First time I went there, my ID was expired. Second time, I caught something that was luckily curable. Third time, I got a cyst on my lower ab area. Fourth time, my apartment was robbed. I swear, it's like Florida has a curse on me. I wanted to believe it was just all coincidence, but it was worse during the move.

During the last week in Arkansas, I was making my final byes and I could not talk to my family and close friends without crying. My mom would call and ask about the birthday/farewell party. 24 years I had live in Arkansas. I was born and raised there, and now it was time to go. I don't think I had a night that I wasn't crying. I know everybody says that I can go back and visit but I'm awful with that. I don't really talk to them much. I have that habit big time. But at least I always was right down from family. It was like I was leaving my old life behind. A lot of people say that can be a good thing, but for me it was like a part of me died. I have this empty, haunting feeling constantly now. It's caused me to get lazy and slightly paranoid. I don't do as much as I used to love. I just don't have the energy anymore. I feel like I don't have any connection with my more motivated, secure self.

The move was awful. It was the day before my birthday and that was when I wanted to leave. My family got together to say bye to me and celebrate my birthday one more time. I tried the entire time and went all the way till almost the end without crying. The thing that did it was my nephew telling me he loved me. Then I said bye to my parents, grandma and sister. I said good bye to my brother the day before when I saw my niece the day after she was born. It was the only time I saw her before leaving. I drove all night starting from 4:00pm on the 29th, my car packed with what I could fit of my life. I cried pretty much the whole way. For about 10 hours, I drove and cried. Then I had some car trouble when I stopped for gas. My car wouldn't start and I asked the girl working inside for a jump. That was super embarrassing, but it had to be done. A little ways further, I decided to stop at another gas station for some rest. Well, that didn't come because I was too paranoid about waking up and not being able to get a jump. So, after a few minutes of trying to sleep I tried to start my car and, again, it's dead. A cop give me a jump and points me towards Wal-Mart. I pulled in and noticed that my power steering starting to fuck up.

So, it's about 3am and I'm changing my car battery. I'm super tired from driving and getting covered in bugs from leaving over my car. When I'm done, I decide I'm still awake so I keep driving. The sun starts rising but it doesn't help keep me awake. I come up to the Florida turnpike and decide to stop for gas and power steering fluid. Come back to the car, doesn't start and I can't find the valve to add fluid... It DOESN'T have one because my power steering is electric so it's tied to my alternator. I could've went ahead and drove but I didn't wanna risk my power steering going out on the interstate. So I had to get towed to a tire shop and they couldn't get an alternator till the next day. The only close hotel was next door and it smelled like piss. So I spent my birthday alone in a nasty hotel room using half my rent money for car repairs. My only highlight was having a joint. Other than that, I cried myself to sleep wishing I could be home. I even told my boyfriend, Steven, I wanted to go home. But he encouraged me to keep on the next day. It wasn't till 6 the next night that I got back on the road. Didn't get to the house till 10 or 11. I feel like I haven't been emotionally right since. I'm just not happy there.

Steven is a great boyfriend. I'm lucky to have him.

Fetish Force Time!

These photos are from my first shoot with Fetish Force!

I've really loved working with Tony Buff and his crew for Fetish Force. It truly feels like a big family up there and Tony's the daddy.  There's also the fact that I'm friends with all the scene partners I've been with...  Ok, I've only done 2 scenes, but again, with 2 of my best friends in this industry, Tony Hunter and Leo Forte.  I'd say that having friends as scene partners helps, especially when you both are fetish players and pain being the pleasure and the connection between two people.

More to come in the future from Fetish Force.  Stay tuned into my blog and to www.fetishforce.com